Discovering myself through my child's ADHD diagnosis: A journey of self-recognition and understanding

When my child was diagnosed with ADHD 2 years ago, it came as a mix of emotions. Relief, concern, and a flood of questions, but one feeling began to grow that I hadn’t anticipated: a strange, dawning recognition. As I started to learn more about ADHD, it became a new journey to understanding myself.

Recognising the Patterns: Early signs of a shared experience

At first, my focus was solely on my child - finding ways to support them at home and school, trying all sorts of strategies, and navigating the countless articles and shorts popping up on my phone! But as I dived deeper into what ADHD really is, I began noticing startling parallels between the symptoms and some of my own long-standing traits and behaviours.

Difficulty with focus and attention? Check.

Struggles with procrastination? Check.

Restlessness. Check.

Poor time management? Check.

Speaking before thinking? Every day.

Feeling like I need to be doing something else? Constantly.

Fighting the urge to delay and fidget? Daily battle!

It wasn’t just that I could relate to some of what my child was going through; it was that these traits were so embedded in my life that I had stopped seeing them as anything other than 'me'. It wasn’t until my child’s diagnosis that I realised how much I had adapted my life, made choices, avoided certain situations and how this wasn’t necessarily the 'norm' for everyone else.

Discovering my lifelong relationship with ADHD

Looking back, the signs were always there, hiding in plain sight due to lack of understanding and knowledge. School reports that repeat ‘talks too much, is very capable but needs to maintain focus, needs to pay more attention in class’. My endless to-do lists that never get completed, that just got longer and I avoid! The random hyperfocus that takes over my day, the inability to make decisions, the brain fog and the clumsiness - I didn't do it on purpose! The self doubt, the lack of confidence, the burn out...

Like many adults with undiagnosed ADHD, I made life choices over the years and have built coping mechanisms to help me function. But the effort it takes to maintain these systems is exhausting. In an effort to combat constant exhaustion, I’ve experimented with countless strategies - adjusting my diet, taking vitamins, exercising, and even cutting back on activities.

I always thought it was a health concern but now I recognise it's an effect of ADHD. I didn’t even realise how much mental energy I was spending just trying to keep up with daily life until I began learning more about ADHD and realised how differently neurotypical people process the world.

What had always seemed like character flaws or personal failings - my tendency to interrupt, my constant battle with motivation, inability to see a plan through, lack of self confidence - suddenly I had an explanation and better understanding of why? ADHD isn't an excuse, but it provides clarification and a reason, and that in itself was empowering.

Pursuing my own diagnosis: A journey of self-understanding

The more I learn, the more I couldn’t ignore the possibility that ADHD wasn’t just something my child was experiencing. It was something I had been living with too.

I hesitated to seek a diagnosis at first. After all, I had managed so far. But then I realised that 'managing' wasn’t thriving and this could be the gateway to acceptance, happiness and achievement. There were aspects of my life - relationships, work, self confidence, that I could have been handling differently had I understood my brain better. My child’s diagnosis had sparked a new desire for self-awareness, not only for them but for me and I owed it to myself to see where that journey would lead.

I have finally begun the diagnosis process and in true ADHD style, it took me a while to commit, I lost the forms and I had to redo them. It’s been both nerve-wracking, frustrating and liberating to talk through my experiences and have them acknowledged. While I’m still waiting for the official results, the process so far has been incredibly validating. Even without a formal diagnosis, which I know I don't NEED, I feel like I’m finally starting to understand the chaos of my mind, emotions, and behaviours that have shaped my life.

Self-Reflection: Redefining myself with compassion

As I navigate the process of seeking a diagnosis, I’ve experienced a range of emotions. There’s been a sense of anticipation and excitement, but also moments of reflection and sadness. I often wonder how different my life might have been if I had recognised these traits earlier. How many opportunities did I give up on, experiences missed out on.

Though I haven’t received a formal diagnosis yet, this journey has already encouraged me to approach myself with more compassion. For years, I carried guilt over the way I am. My inability to keep up with everyday demands, to process and retain information, my instability and lack of motivation. Now, I’m starting to view these challenges differently. Maybe they aren’t personal failings, but instead, part of how my brain works.

To support this newfound understanding, I have started working with a coach. Coaching has been transformative for me, providing practical tools and strategies tailored to my needs. My coach helps me identify my strengths and weaknesses, enabling me to create a personalised plan that aligns with my unique way of thinking and processing information, along with ADHD coping strategies.

This growing awareness, combined with coaching, has helped me begin unlearning the negative self-talk I’ve internalised over the years. While I’m still in the process of seeking answers, I’ve started to embrace a more sustainable way of managing my life. I’m learning to structure my days in ways that suit my brain rather than exhausting myself trying to meet unrealistic expectations.

This shift in perspective is allowing me to move forward with more awareness and understanding. With each session, I feel more equipped to navigate the complexities of my experiences, and I’m beginning to see that seeking support is not a sign of weakness but a step toward self-discovery and empowerment.

So, here I am - still learning, still growing, and still figuring things out, for me and my child. And that’s a gift I didn’t expect from their diagnosis, but one I’m grateful to have received.